Through Arts and Spirituality, the inner artist emerges. But early teachings that art is only about talent must be overcome. Creativity then can become a means of communicating with the Creator. Letting go of feelings of shame and inadequacy then learning to live up to the potential that the shame has been hiding are necessary to move confidently in the realm of Creativity. This connection with our Creator moves us out of fear and toward fearlessness. We learn to discern leadings and follow them. The experience of making art in this way can be similar to what happens in Meeting for Worship when someone stands and gives vocal ministry. For me, my soul’s hunger, and this newfound joy in co-creating with my Creator in a new way, led to my need to make hundreds of pots and paintings. Raw materials of the soul can be turned into the beauty of the Arts as the Arts become raw materials of the soul’s further growth.
Living My Potential
When I came to Pendle Hill in 1996, art had no place in my life. At least I did not know its’ place. By second grade, I had learned that I had no talent. However, as part of the PH experience, I enrolled in Sally Palmer’s class, “Explorations in Clay.” At that time, I felt like I had a black brick in my chest. At times I had trouble breathing. I knew the feeling was about not living up to my potential, but I had no idea what was needed. I remember telling someone about that black brick and referring to it as a clay brick. Each time I made a pot that term, I felt as though a piece of clay had been pinched off from the black, clay brick. The sensation of the brick disappeared by the end of my seventh art class at Pendle Hill.
Judge on the Shelf: Letting Go of Fear and Crippling Judgment
When I began that first clay class, I was crippled with fear. I knew I could not do anything related to art and had no idea what I was doing there. At a deeper level, I also knew I was exactly where I was called to be. During one of the first classes, my teacher, Sally Palmer, told us to make an image of our judges, then put the judge on the shelf. We could consult the judge if we needed to, but we were to let them sit on the shelf while we did our work. Getting perspective on the inner judge and its proper role in our lives became a lesson that enhanced my life. I often hear others talking about being shamed in their early lives and the role of the inner judge as destructive in their lives. That inner judge is tricky because we need it when we want to cross the street safely, but we also need it to learn its proper role in our lives and sit on the shelf when we are learning new and important life lessons.
Sally’s Method: Embracing Gratitude, Beauty, Joy, and Play
Sally never gave us anything but positive feedback about our work. She seemed to value any expression that came from our soul’s work. Our work was not compared to anyone else’s nor to any other external standard of perfection. The task was to find what was inside of us and know our Self as a unique and beautiful creation of God. If it seemed ugly, it was probably not finished; sometimes she encouraged us to work more on those pieces. Isn’t that a wonderful metaphor for our lives? When we have ugliness in our lives, it may just mean that we are unfinished and have more work to do. No need for shame.
The art work was also “play.” Having permission to play in this way was very new to me, and liberating! Play opened and lightened our hearts, allowing deeper exploration of ourselves and the Divine.
Body Prayer
I became aware of the relationship between movement, worship, and art in classes on Creativity and Mysticism at Pendle Hill and Friends General Conference. Although I had danced in many forms, this was my first introduction to movement as “body prayer.” I learned a beautiful body prayer with the words: “Thank you, praise you, and bless me to go out to the world in your service.” Movement of the body in worshipful dance, movement of color on the paper, and movement of the Spirit in our life’s stories, they flow together.
Energy of Spirit Flows Through
One of the most powerful exercises we did in that first “Explorations in Clay” class involved Sally asking us to write for seven minutes about God, Love, or any concept of a Higher Power in our lives. From that writing, a poem came. We were then to hold the clay and let whatever was to happen, happen. My hands formed an image. I did not know what it was. But at the end of the assignment, I knew that I had not finished what was calling. I had to keep going with another ball of clay as she talked.
When class was over, I looked at the figure and it was very clear to me that it was a pair of angel wings enfolding a head in despair. It was a very closed figure. The second figure was very open, as if Spirit energy were being invited in. (See these two figures in Co-Creation, page 13.)
This assignment was the greatest experience I had ever had of feeling Spirit energy flowing through me and creating, using my hands. The creation was not planned or directed by me. I did not have the skill to plan and execute the form as it came. My hands were again working with the Creator, just as one’s voice does when giving vocal ministry in Meeting for Worship.
This experience left me with a prayer that God would work through me in that way; this became my prayer for co-creation in all areas of my life.
Ugly to Acceptable to Beautiful: More Co-creating with My Creator
At the beginning of the first class, I was unable to tolerate looking at my own creations. They just looked too ugly. After only one term of constant validation, having it explained that this creation energy is God’s work and that I am the vessel, I came to view it as very insulting to God not to accept my work that I was given to do. In accepting myself as a vessel for God’s work, I can now see the work as beautiful co-creation with my Creator – another apt analogy for life.
Books, Poetry, and Color: From Raw and Threatening to Beautifully Human
I took a wonderful class in book making with Paulus Berensohn. From the “paste papers” as raw materials coming from the depths of us, we made beautiful books. In making books and poetry, we took the soul’s raw material and massaged it into products that were acceptable to send out to the world. Yet another important metaphor for my life emerged. Often our soul’s rawest states are not acceptable to others; we can even be seen as crazy. I learned that the soul’s rawest materials in the emotions and difficult states of mind can be massaged into that which is beautiful and human through Arts and poetry. The material becomes acceptable to others in ways that verbal expressions of the same material can be seen as crazy, and disregarded. The creative expressions are more likely to be seen in their human-ness and become less threatening to others. Through Arts, humans can talk about what cannot be spoken. Tragedy can be transformed and safely shared with others. (See these books in Containers of Soul, page 13.)
Festival Week: Creative Flower Blossoms
Pendle Hill had a resident student program for about 80 years. At the end of each term, we had an Arts show in the studio. Each student showed their creations and had a chance to talk about their work. For me, this was a place where a part of me that had never seen the light of day could safely shine forth. There was no criticism of each other’s work, only support to broaden horizons and perspectives, with appreciation.
The creative flower blossomed inside of me in that safe environment and I developed a deep desire to move out into the world. (See Flower Dedicated to My Second Grade Teacher, page 13.)