I have been involved in a research project in which participants were asked about their spiritually transformative experiences as children (egs., near death experiences, out-of-the ordinary inner states). An article was published by the Journal of Near Death Experiences related to that research in 2013. A book is planned for the future.
Advice from Participants for Children and Parents on Integration of STEs
Advice for Children. Participants were asked what advice they would give to children having STEs and to their parents. Most of the responses fell into the categories of trusting the experiences and seeking a mentor. Trust yourself and your own experience; know it is real, normal and ok (21). Trust yourself and your experience. Know that you are special and gifted. Stay with your experience and do not allow it to be discounted. Cherish and build on your special experiences. We all need a sense of belonging; claim that for yourself and seek others like you (1). Don’t try to convince others (1). No fear is needed (4). Find a mentor (3) and seek help from supportive adults. Seek knowledge in the area and find others who can teach you to integrate the experience. Discern who to talk to and pay attention to safety first (3). Seek understanding and a sympathetic ear, and talk to others you trust (18). Get help from supportive adults. Receive the warmth of others (1). Live the spiritual life (1) and ask for help from your higher power (1). Spend time in nature (1) and have a pet (1).
Advice for Parents. A clear message emerges in the advice for parents. Listen (15) nonjudgmentally (3), love unconditionally (6), hold (2) and support (8) your child. Take their experiences and feelings seriously (3). Get involved, be interested and ask questions that helpful for the child to further clarify/define their experiences (5). Talk about the experience (3) when they are ready (1), and make no big deal about it (3). Share with others who have had the experiences (2) and find children that your child feels are like them to be with (1). However, discerning who to share with is critical. Write down the experiences or make notes to come back to later (2). The arts were helpful for expression (1). Play therapy with integration was helpful (1). Help your child discover what they love in life and cultivate that as a means of expression (1). Normalize (3), avoid labels, and do not treat the child as if they are crazy (3). Protect them and provide safety (3); no fear is necessary (6). This is a blessing, not a worry (2)). If you cannot offer this deep listening to your child, find someone who can (1). Educate yourself and find others who can help you gain the knowledge that you need (14). Tobin Hart’s book “The Secret Spiritual World of Children” was recommended.
There were mixed responses on some issues. Some found therapists helpful and some said to avoid therapists or professionals. The key seemed to be whether or not the therapist had had STEs themselves and were knowledgeable about them. Some advised churches but most needed to avoid their churches as often there were church people quick to judge. One person advised avoiding public schools and to teach the child at home; others had positive experiences and they excelled in school. School experience needs to be monitored.
Many (8) asked that parents believe their children or at least don’t disbelieve them. One person stated that it is irrelevant whether you believe them or not; you can believe IN them and support your child, even if you don’t believe them. Parents are advised consistently not to tell their children that the experience is just their imaginations and to take them seriously. Being honest with your child is important. Don’t pretend to know about the experience when you don’t. Help your child integrate the experience (2) and know it is a gift that will be a blessing to others too (3).