Jennifer is writing a new book called Transforming Trauma with Creative Expression
Transforming Trauma Using Creative Expression
(from the darkness, the Light starts to come in, until finally it shines forth; the blue sky alternates with rain, and finally, the green growth brings the new day)
The Personal Becomes the Universal, The Universal Becomes the Personal: Microcosm
HATE: Betrayal of them and me
I never felt hated, until now.
At my daddy’s memorial, his granddaughter quoted him as saying,
“I never understood hate.”
Now it is the norm across my country.
Now it is norm in my family, as microcosm.
They hate me because I am different.
They hate me because I left. Coming back doesn’t count anymore.
They hate me for my religion. Quakerism is just a mysterious evil.
They hate me for my politics. Snowflake liberal.
Supporting choice and gay rights brought the “wrath of God on our country.”
They hate me for getting educated. There’s never been a Ph.D. in THIS family.
They hate me for betraying them,
When I was following my callings.
God, I listened as best as I knew how.
Now I realize that I listened well and I did betray them.
I did betray myself too.
I changed to “get along” in a world that does not accept Appalachian people.
As the good professor said, “Now you get it from both sides.”
And that is how it is NOW, in my new family,
And that is how it is NOW, in the new America.
And that is how it is NOW, in the new world.
(end of part 1)
Out There-ness
I was targeted by HATE…HATE CRIME…TERRORISTIC THREAT…how can that be? I never hated anyone. I am traumatized.
I try to tell others….
Faces
Look back at me blankly;
Faces
Say, “But, you are not Muslim, Black, Latino, LGBT…”
Faces
Say, “But, you are privileged…”
Faces
Look back at me blankly;
Faces
Say, “I am here to HELP others – you are too much like me.”
Faces
Say, “You are telling me that it could be me.”
Faces
Say, “I have not faced that possibility.”
Voices
Change the subject, and move on with the REAL agenda.
Out there-ness…denial…win again. They CAN’T be with me. Now, I am too scary!
Respect Me Instead
When you call the police and lie so they will charge me with a felony, I am shocked; that is cruelty; you are better than that!
When you lie and tell my dad that I am swindling his money, I feel very sad that you are paranoid; that is cruelty; you are better than that!
When you lie and say I am evil and am aggressive toward me, I feel abused; that is cruelty; you are better than that!
When I watch a cancer on my mother’s beautiful face go untreated, I can’t bear it; a person is more than a diagnosis; that is cruelty; you are better than that!
When you obstruct the work I do, I feel frustrated; that is cruelty; you are better than that!
When you tell me I must leave and never come back and that you will abuse me until I do; I feel helpless; that is cruelty; you are better than that.
You make sure the house is so clean so that no one suspects the psychological cruelty that goes on; you do so many things well, you are better than that!
They lied to you when they told you that HATE represents strength and power; it does not; HATE engenders cruelty; you are better than that!
I wonder: What does LOVE look like in the face of this HATE?
The things that happen to me always happen to prepare me for service to God. I have wondered how being hated could serve. Then I realized how privileged a life I have led to be 62-years-old before I experienced unbridled HATE. There are so many others that experience this kind of HATE not for anything they have done but for who they are. I will follow the calling to serve.
You must really love me to hate me this much.
I think you hate me because I left. You are afraid I will leave again. Abuse binds me to you forever, so even though my body may leave, you make sure my spirit is with you always. This is cruelty; you are better than that!
Really, all you have to do is respect me instead.